If you have no reason to live, don't live.
In an earlier post I wrote about how much I hate my family. Well, this is the sequel. I took my dad to court for his DUI charges, and he was informed that he should get an attorney, and the judge would allow a continuence, because if he's found guilty, kiss your liscence goodbye. He was so scared, and I almost felt sorry for him, but remembered, this weak man endangered peoples lives, more than once within two weeks, whatever he gets, he deserves and probably deserves more. On the way home, he pulled the pity plea, stating he probably wouldn't be alive for the next court date, October 10th. I asked why, he didn't have an answer, I no longer get upset about things like that, he is so full of shit, and he also told his brother, my uncle, that he had no reason to live. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but having three kids is a pretty big reason to stay alive. I want to say, if you have no reason to live, end it. Why bother, don't stick around if all you're going to do is bitch and moan for pity.
Is this pathetic, this is a son talking about his father. I cant wait to have kids, just to do everything that my dad didn't do, and do things he did better. As if I don't have anything to worry about, like the stress of college and work. So many people have stress from that, but no one notices. How many people really know how shitty it can be to be a working college student. And my health, thats a joke. Pills I took a few years ago for my hyper thyroid condition, now make me sick. I have blood taken, it seems, once a week. I have an average of 4 doctors, and half the time, they don't even know whats going on. Now I'll need surgery, or some sort of radiation treatment for my thryoid condition. meanwhile, I feel like shit so much, why can't I feel fine, there are SO many idiots out there that don't know how good they have it, but, then again, there are many people worse than me, so, lets cheer for them too. :-d
I want a vacation. Not a weekend getaway, but a vacation, and not to a big city or tourist spot with lots of places to go and lots of things to do. I want a beach, a tropical paradise, where I can relax, feel good all the time, read and just, well, ENJOY MYSELF. Of course I want Heather there, that would be like half of me going if she didn't go. I want a waterfall, a sunset, a view. I want to look at someting beautiful without a tour-guide or a map telling me how it was made and when and by whom, I just wanna look, and enjoy and appreciate.. I don't want phones, papers, deadlines, or stress. I want to be cut off from the world. Not forever, just for a week or so. I'll come back, but I need to LEAVE first.